Beauty from Tragedy
Nearly five years ago, my life, and those of my family, friends, and community, were irrevocably changed. Alexandra Valoras, the seventeen-year-old daughter of some of our dearest friends, a peer of my children, and one of the most incredible humans I knew, took her own life in the early morning of March 19, 2018. In the days and weeks that followed Alexandra’s death, the journals she left behind shed light on devastating anxiety and depression that had spiraled out of control. By her own admission, Alexandra took great pains to hide her struggle from everyone, even those who loved her the most. How did things get so bad for Alexandra, and why did she feel she could not ask for help? The pursuit of answers to these questions led me to embark on one of the most meaningful musical experiences of my life.
A Call to Action
In the wake of Alexandra’s death, I could not help but feel concerned for the many young people in my life, including those in my classroom. As an educator of young musicians in extracurricular community programs, I have the privilege of working with students for many years of their lives. I see them as they move through grade levels, developmental phases, and periods of emotional and physical growth. I see them when they are happy and content, and I see them when life presents challenges. While I know that I have had students who struggled with anxiety, depression, or other mental health challenges, it is difficult to recall a time when students and families did not share this information with me quietly or with an element of shame.
Yet, there is nothing shameful about being depressed or suffering from anxiety. What is shameful is allowing the stigma surrounding mental health and mental health challenges - and the equally destructive self-stigma it inspires - to continue. Stigma and self-stigma create additional barriers for anyone who might want help, further isolating them from their community and places of support.
I have long cherished the belief that community is at the heart of successful ensemble work. As singers, our bodies are our instruments; therefore, singing is a deeply personal activity. We make ourselves vulnerable to each other every time we sing, and in doing so, we experience the sweet reward of making music together. Creating an environment where all members feel they belong is as essential to the music-making process as teaching tone and music literacy. It was this sacred space, and the students and families connected with it, that was the foundation for creating something beautiful out of tragedy. It was the place where we worked to promote a different message: you are enough, and you are not alone.
Jennifer Kane
Commissioning a Choral Work
In 2019, I commissioned my friend and colleague Ellen Gilson Voth, a Connecticut-based composer and conductor, for a choral work for one of my treble ensembles with the Handel and Haydn Youth Choruses. I wanted to create a work that would engage students, families, and audience members in the discussion of mental health and mental health challenges. The goal was to honor the Alexandra that I remember—hopeful and confident—with a life-affirming text that reminds both singers and audience members that they are an incredible gift to the world.
While I was initially nervous about presenting this project to the families of my singers, they proved to be incredibly supportive and shared a genuine belief in the importance of the commission. Some of the responses I received to my introduction to the commission included:
“Thank you for taking on such an important project. I work in a middle school and see the increasing numbers of teens struggling with anxiety and depression. This project will involve teens in helping to raise awareness and lessen the stigma that stops people from asking for help.”
“Sadly, our son has a few friends that have suffered from depression and indicated that they were going to hurt themselves. He’s gotten alarming text messages. We’ve rushed to a friend’s house to tell their parents or called a suicide prevention hotline; it is astonishing what kids have to deal with today.”
Ellen took a very thoughtful approach to craft a composition about such a sensitive topic. She took the time to get to know the Valoras family and learned of a poem by Alexandra’s father, Dean, about a beloved local apple tree. Ellen also worked with students in the Handel and Haydn Youth Choruses to write a life-affirming text emphasizing each person's inherent value. The resulting composition, Standing Tall, for 2-part treble voices, weaves text about the apple tree through the changing seasons with the texts from the HHYC students. It is simple yet beautiful, and its message is eloquent: tomorrow is always a new and different day.
A New Message
Standing Tall was due to be premiered by the Handel and Haydn Youth Chorale in May of 2020, but the pandemic prevented us from bringing it to fruition. Yet, this work has found a way to persevere: Ellen won the 2022 ACDA Pearl Prize for her work as the composer of Standing Tall, and Graphite Publishers has published the work in several voicings, making it more widely accessible.
I finally had the chance to hear Standing Tall with live singers in March of 2022, when my women’s chorus, NOVA Women’s Choral Project, sang it as a part of a reading session of new choral works for women’s voices. It was a very moving experience, and I am grateful to all of the singers who participated in that session and to Ellen, who joined us for the day. In October of 2022, NOVA Women’s Choral Project gave the concert premiere of Standing Tall in a concert of choral music for mental health sponsored by the Newton Cultural Council. The Handel and Haydn Youth Choruses look forward to their performance of Standing Tall in May of 2023.
Standing Tall is going on to do all that I hoped it could. It does not lessen the sting of Alexandra’s loss, but the creative process has been cathartic. It feels good to know that any ensemble preparing Standing Tall is likely having important conversations about mental health with its singers and community. The knowledge that this piece will continue to share this life-affirming message with the world is beautiful: you are enough, you are not alone, and tomorrow is always a new and different day.
Resources:
National Alliance of Mental Illness, Massachusetts Chapter: www.namimass.org
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline - 1-800-273-8255, available 24/7 to talk or chat online
Samaritans Statewide Helpline: 1-877-870-4673, available 24/7, talk or text
For program notes from NOVA’s concert about mental health, please visit www.novawcp.org